Purposeful Prose Advice Column: Second-Guessing Romance

Dear Purposeful Prose,

I’m a romance author, and I’m self-sabotaging. Whenever I get to a romantic part of my story, describe a romantic part, or approach something that might be considered cheesy, I try to avoid it or “write over it” if that makes sense. I’m downplaying what makes my romance romantic. I intentionally try to subvert the genre so my readers won't think it's to lovey dovey, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing the point of my own book by doing that. Is this a common issue? How do I work past this?

You’re not wrong that, despite the overwhelming popularity of romance subgenres, romance has been historically separated from “real literature”. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “chick lit” before. In dissecting the term, we have “chick”, an early US slang term that refers to women, usually in a way that is degrading or patronizing. Then, we have “lit” for literature. A book considered to be “chick lit” usually designates it as a lighter read, and it usually contains romance. 

I can’t think of a reason to talk down to a lighter read or a book that contains romance. I love and enjoy a complex, dense read. I also enjoy a light read, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I also don’t feel the need to justify my enjoyment of lighter reads by filling cork boards with analyses (but that can be fun as well!). 

There are some books about romance that advocate for and influence unhealthy attitudes about relationships, and because of that, it can be difficult to see romance novels, collectively, in a positive light. Dark romance, in particular, is usually meant for people to explore darker themes (that they don’t want to personally engage in) in a safe environment. However, as I’m sure you’re aware, some of these novels can be seen to step over the line into promoting, even glorifying unhealthy behavior. For readers who are aware of this, I can understand approaching romance with some level of caution. 

At this stage, romance is fine, but it’s also a highly vulnerable topic. How you handle it matters, and it’s something that should be handled in our literature. Despite these feelings, I have worked through personal biases like the ones you’re describing. These personal biases have limited my engagement with romance novels. I’ve noticed the association with the romance novel and an object of women’s interest. Maya Rondale had this to say: “Romance novels are, for the most part, written by women, about women, for women. This is perhaps the only space where women’s voices predominantly shape the narrative about themselves in the world.”

In a world where women are often taught to minimize their interests, are branded as “basic” when something that is a popular culture appeals to them, they are taught to hide that they’re reading a romance novel. They are taught to be ashamed if they write them because, historically, romance has been written by women for women. 

While others have written romances well, much of the history that we have regarding romance novels has been women-focused. To your question, there is nothing wrong with writing romance. There’s also nothing wrong with writing something that subverts common tropes.

Every author writes with their own biases, even if those biases are unintentional. A bias against romance novels exists because, “romance books are targeted towards women — they depict what women ‘want', and somehow, that's threatening.” What if more books focused on the desires of women, and what if those desires were connected to a romantic interest? A romance novel says it’s okay to have that. There are also romance novels with well-developed characters who have lives outside of their relationship. The same characters can have romantic goals. 

Another way to think of this is that women should have ways to communicate about their desires effectively with their partners. Representation in fiction can help with that and/or it can show that there’s nothing wrong with having those desires. 

Using a classic example, Jane Austen’s Persuasion, a part of the reason why it works is that the characters are fundamentally flawed. There are few points in which the love interests communicate with one another, but Austen does not advocate for this. Both of these characters were influenced by their respective communities to suppress their thoughts and maintain their conception of what women must feel and what men must feel. These thoughts kept them from meaningfully engaging with one another. 

More simply, open and honest communication would have solved everything.

Not all romance needs to teach such an extensive lesson, but representation can be meaningful in other ways. Try to understand where your own biases fall and use that information to challenge them. It’s difficult to build new habits. 

For a while, you’re going to spend your writing time continuing to avoid the romantic scenes, thinking less of them. If you want to put in the work to challenge those feelings about romance, one day might feel a little different. You’ll intentionally stop yourself from second-guessing. You’ll tell more people, with pride and without hesitation, that you write romance. 

I believe in you, and I know you’ll get there. If you have a writing or editing-focused question, I would be more than happy to dedicate a post to you. Contact us for any questions you might have or to schedule a free consultation with yours truly!

All submissions will remain anonymous unless you explicitly request for me to include your name.