Writing Your Memoir: Finding the Theme

If you have written your memoir, are writing your memoir, or are contemplating the idea of writing your memoir, congratulations. Telling your story is a vulnerable undertaking, especially if this is your first foray into writing a book.

The crux of a good memoir is in its storytelling. You, as the author, are responsible for fleshing out the people and events in your life as characters, reflections, and perceptions. Even before building up all of that, what is your foundation?

Your readers are selfish (which isn’t a bad thing), and they want to see themselves or their needs and thoughts reflected in your story.

You need a theme.

You might not find your theme until you’re done writing parts of the story, but that’s okay! Follow your process, but don’t forget your theme. Ideally, a theme should be more than one word, should show us the tension (as opposed to resolution) of your story, and it should feel familiar.

Click on the arrows to answer each question.

Why should my theme be more than one word?

Themes can be as simple or as complex as you want them to be. Your memoir is your story, and you are multi-dimensional. Themes like “love” and “friendship” are rich and complicated, but because of all their moving parts, they should not act alone.

Let’s use “love” as an example of a simple theme. Stories about love, while enjoyable, seem predictable. What kind of love are we talking about? What kind of dynamic does it develop and explain?

This ties in to the common writing advice of avoiding clichés.

This isn’t about a character saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs!” This is about connecting your theme to your story.

Let’s amplify the theme of “love” to “people re-learning how to communicate with one another in a relationship where small arguments become big misunderstandings.”

In this 21-word theme, whether I used the word “love” doesn’t matter. I could have, but my purpose was to more accurately describe the dynamic between my two characters.

Fun Tip: It helps, when you’re writing your memoir, to think about the people you’re describing as characters.

When the theme of your memoir uses more than one word, you avoid coming across as simple and predictable. People will read your story to find out what happens at the end, but what matters most is the journey that gets them there.

Why should my theme show my story's tension?

A love story where a couple gets together at the end is fun, but the theme of “love” alone doesn’t tell us a lot about what makes that ending earned and satisfying.

Let’s look at our new theme again.

My story is about “people re-learning how to communicate with one another in a relationship where small arguments become big misunderstandings.”

Notice that this theme doesn’t spoil your story. It only tells readers (and yourself) what they can expect from the central conflict, or more simply, what makes up the journey they’re about to take.

Going back to amplifying our one-word theme of “love”, love is complicated. It’s difficult to explain at the best of times, and every type of love is different.

How are you going to tell a story of love in a way that reflects your experiences?

Remember that your memoir is a story, one small part of the world that is you and your life, and stories have conflicts.

Out of the many stories that you could tell about anything, your conflict will make you stand out as original and will give you a stronger foundation on which to tell your story.

Why should my theme feel familiar?

I just told you that your conflict will make you stand out as original, and I mean that. Your story is your own and no other experience is like yours.

However, your readers are selfish.

They want an experience that connects with them on some level. Maybe they’re looking for someone to relate to, at least in part. Maybe they’re facing the same problem that you’ve faced, and they’re looking for another perspective.

“People re-learning how to communicate with one another in a relationship where small arguments become big misunderstandings” is a common, resonant experience. Most problems that people face in relationships (platonic, romantic, familial, etc.) stem from communication.

Readers will be able to find community in this, and that’s the point. Your dynamic is your own, your story is your own, what worked for you did work for you.

Your story will be original because your experience within this theme is original. Keep this in mind as you’re writing your memoir. Your theme might change as you continue to reflect on your experiences, and that’s okay.

In case no one has told you this already, we can’t wait for you to show off your story!